This song is a true story Not there I'm in the hospital bed with an IV in my arm no worry no OD just a surgery no need for alarm they told me go slowly go sleep in no need for alarms sleep when you feel it they told me it was kinda nice it was kinda nice at the same time it felt like I was dying let me tell you why first they put me under anesthesia 'cause they need ta fix my spine it's so misaligned so much so that it bulges out the side so the doctors went inside of me fixed that angle up quite nicely you should see the X Rays the difference it's like night and day Not there I'm in the hospital bed with an IV in my arm no worry no OD just a surgery no need for alarm they told me go slowly go sleep in no need for alarms sleep when you feel it they told me and then the staff asked me politely if i'd like more morphine in my IV it's kinda crazy I got through the operation because of their sedating so euphoric but in pain I'm feeling good and I'm in pain its so conflicting

Portal vortex spit me out. I scramble then I hit the ground. I'm running now, the ground beneath me falling down. [4X] Into the storm. Into the storm. Into the storm. Into the storm. Into the storm. Into the storm. Into the storm. Into the storm. Into the storm. Helicopter blade, chaos and insanity. Heart beating rapidly. Vision starts to fade, think i'm gonna faint, actually I have to gain it back. I have to because i'm going into the storm. Grind me up, spit me out, chop me up, chop me down. Isn't he out? No i'm not, still around for another round. Don't know how I go about, running out of hope, but keep going on, like i'm not headed directly into the storm. Into the storm. Into the storm. Into the storm. Into the storm. Into the storm. Into the storm. Into the storm. Into the storm. Chopper hit me in all sides. Wrist launch, fist comes, hits both sides. Left right underneath my spine. Twist and curved out of alignment/meant to say that I'm not fine, but forget to all the time. Just sit, feel like shit, sometimes. Nerves so fringed I lose my mind. Nerves so fringed I lose my mind. Nerves running through my skin. [10X] Into the storm. Into the storm. Into the storm. Into the storm. Into the storm. Into the storm. Into the storm. Into the storm. Into the storm. Portal vortex spit me out. I scramble then I hit the ground. I'm running now, the ground beneath me falling down. [4X]

Try to keep it cool not crack under pressure hold it together let my strength gather but I could do better at not letting them enter I could remember what we learned when we went there Lately I've been reclusive I'm not there and I'm scared to ignore them but this is bigger than you or me or all of them This is how to live if you plan to last This is holding in 'till its time for that Aint got time for that cause I'm more or less antisocial more than half the time rolling solo or with the love of mine I let my phone go. You can't reach my line I can't do no more stretching out my life (2x) This is just me doing what it is I have to do and to you it's just me flaking but to me that isn't true and to me it's not making the same mistake again to just go with it 'till I'm drained and ache from the pains within left with nothing broken places theres no lasting traces of anything that is the things to show for it because I'm more or less antisocial more than half the time rolling solo or with the love of mine I let my phone go. You can't reach my line I can't do no more stretching out my life (2x) this is just me doing what it is I have to do try to keep it cool not crack under pressure hold it together let my strength gather but I could do better at not letting them enter I could remember what we learned when we went there

I'm on the train I'm on my way down into the city I'm taking myself on my way to my destination Gonna need some sanitation after salutations Just gotta be patient Find some way to kill the time so you don't go insane Gotta stimulate your brain I know It's hard to wait Things tend to decay when they stay in place too late Makes me feel stiff Makes me feel like I'm holding in my breath Makes me feel like Im about to blend into my routine Become a zombie Stop having feelings The sun comes in So I just keep in mind the reasons why I do this What's worth sticking through with Like what am I really gonna do on my to do list? Which of it is foolish? or just wishful thinking? Because life can be amazing but you gotta do some waiting I'm on the train I'm on my way I'm just not there I'm just not there yet It's noble that you try to fix the situations but sometimes you gotta face it, the realization that sometimes there's nothing you could even do to make it better Yeah, you want it now but it takes time to make it better not sabotage the whole operation with your overthinking and your ruminations Don't try to land the plane when you ain't above the mainland Don't turn back when you're half across the ocean cause then the way there'll be the same amount of motion just need some devotion I'm on the train I'm on my way and it and it feels like I'm on the train

I can't seem to get a grip, I'm barely hanging on, I'm struggling to exist. I don't know why it is my tendency to slip where nothings making sense. Disconnected thread of logic plucked out your consistency. Constituents of the misshapen shit that's living underneath. Split the sink and cold concrete. Spits they sprinkle into me. Split ends of electric wire submerged in water zapping me. Firecracker in my brain flickering and splattering. I'm cowering and shivering. Frantically i'm panicking. Hi hats splash and drip to me, spraying at me vividly, passing at me missing me, blasé, it don't mean shit to me. I can't seem to get a grip, I'm barely hanging on, I'm struggling to exist. I don't know why it is my tendency to slip where nothings making sense. and it's instantly clicking the switch initiating shit to be casually activating mass degrees of casualties. Blasting at your faculty, knocking off your majesty, attacking all the families that ain't get used to tragedy. Reaction-plant plasma-leak. Understand I have to be breathing it inside of me and feeling it entirely. No hazmat in toxicity, embracing it sink into me. Feel it underneath my skin, become what I am living in. I can't seem to get a grip, I'm barely hanging on, I'm struggling to exist. I don't know why it is my tendency to slip where nothings making sense. Blend into the background, fade away, won't leave a trace. Gone into the crowd now i'm just another face. Forget about it, wipe away anything you saw today. Show you what the truth is then delete it from your memory. Forget about it, wipe away anything you saw today. Show you what the truth is then delete it from your memoryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Overcomplicated frigid math equation. Specific logarithmic expressions of what the fuck i'm saying. Representations of the digits in it's rightful place, contained in microchips with infinite amounts of tiny space. Load the thick appendixes of terabytes inside the brain. List the archive's information's endless annotations made. They might need to be refrained, if there ever comes a day. Filled with indiscretion at the overwhelming length of weight carried in digressions down a page of indigestibly complex passages inside a textbook's fifth edition based upon a recollection of a never ending dream that we made up deep inside of the bowels of machines, where I wasn't even there. Not there, not happening. Don't ask what that means 'cause it only goes more deep. Don't ask what that means 'cause it only goes more deep. I can't seem to get a grip, I'm barely hanging on, I'm struggling to exist. I don't know why it is my tendency to slip where nothings making sense.

Things are not always as they seem. Some things appear negative on the surface but in reality they are quite uplifting. It's like when embracing one's fears and finding power from being able to face these things which once made you run away. It is like letting yourself heal: acknowledging and caring for the wounds however ugly they may be. It's processing trauma and negative feelings no matter how much you don't want them to be there. Beauty grows out these ugly processes like flowers grow from manure and diamonds come from coal. It's when we are ascending into the light that we have the best view of everything below. Everything we are escaping. This music is not about negative feelings, it is about conquering negative feelings. It is made from a place where there is enough distance to reflect on these feelings and observe them. I am not describing where I am, I am describing what the view is from where I am.

I fucked myself over. I lost contact do you read me? Over. Why do this to myself over and over and over? Time to cut this shit off right the fuck now it's over! Pushing through my sludge. Don't know when it's time to stop because I've already had enough. I was ready to be done since before it had begun. Pushing pushing through my sludge since day one it's been hard to sleep it's been hard to wake up. Always wanna stay up way up past the sunset. Always think I'm freeing my mind but really fucking myself up again. I fucked myself over. I lost contact do you read me? Over. Why do this to myself over and over and over? Time to cut this shit off right the fuck now it's over! Pushing through my sludge. Walking through the fog. Never clearing up. Always feeling lost. Don't wanna wake up from my illusion. Chasing all my impulse it just leaves me with confusion till I feel a thousand pounds, a thousand pounds heavier. Dragging all my limbs against the weight that they've been buried under. Did it to myself now my life's unbearable. Chasing the euphoria like I didn't know better. Chasing the euphoria like it wouldn't hurt me later. Pushing through my sludge since day one it's been hard to sleep it's been hard to wake up. Always wanna stay up way up past the sunset. Always thought I freed my mind but really fucking myself up again.

Try to dream of a green open field keep getting pulled back in by the real Try to dream of a green open field but I keep getting pulled back in by the reel try to shed this weight that I feel but a thousand pounds keeps making me kneel try to be koi as I go upstream but the fishing reels got a grip on me Dreaming flying through an astral serpent Earth is in the distance keep it far away wake me up when problems gone away when I find escape I know it won't help but its the only thing getting me through hell wake me up now pull me out the shuttle launch me out another one in bound I'm boutta transfer out to the next one while the one I left behind'll spiral out of sight double helix style Try to dream of a green open field but I keep getting pulled back in by the real Try to dream of a green open field but I keep getting pulled back in by the reel try to shed this weight that I feel but a thousand pounds keeps making me kneel try to be koi as I go upstream but the fishing reels got a grip on me

Disconnected Dissociated Disengaged Disappear Dis Dis Dis. All these words start with a sound: Dis. Dis is a Latin prefix meaning “apart,” “asunder,” “utterly,” or having a privative, negative, or reversing force; used freely, especially with these latter senses, as an English formative...

I fall off the map when I can. I don't respond to my phone when I can't. I disengage, don't play the game, I take gaps. Leave my place, take a break, before I come back. Rest, don't exist, when I rest, my thoughts go blank. I disappear, I'm not there, I go away. I go away. I go away. I go away. I go away. I go away. I go away. I go away. (MmmmMmmmMmmm) Time to disappear. (MmmmMmmmMmmm) I am not there. (MmmmMmmmMmmm) Time to disappear. (MmmmMmmmMmmm) I am not there. I get overloaded, I need to slow it down so fast. I get overwhelmed by the amount of goals that I set up for myself, feel like there is no more going back. No more going back. No more going back. [2X] Too many hells are appearing all at once. Don't know how to handle all this shit, I'm so fucked. Won't get out alive this time, out of luck. I'm really done for real this time. (MmmmMmmmMmmm) Time to disappear. (MmmmMmmmMmmm) I am not there. (MmmmMmmmMmmm) I had to disappear. (MmmmMmmmMmmm) I'm sorry but I can't be there. I'm sorry but I can't be there. Gotta do it for myself, had to disappear. Not there, empty beach chair, umbrella likely. Lemon rimmed iced tea. You can't find me. I'm gone. You miss it. The chance: you missed it. Absent, established, can't have it, listen. Track it down, can't be found. Track it down, can't be found. Track it. Track it. Track it. Track it down, can't be found. Last known whereabouts paramount. Approach it, it's gone, like liquid in sun, like gift is in box, but when you open, it's not. Approach it, it's gone, like liquid in sun, like gift is in box, but when you open, it's not. It's not. Trade my tunnel vision for an open space. Tap into the place of the chosen ways. See the whole line of my sight as it's shown to me, remembering those little things I thought were thrown away. Probably thought that I forgot but it's all right here. Finally clear the fog, so it's showing clear. Lost the ambiguity, know how I feel. Lost the ambiguity, know how I feel. Blank spot in my vision. Blank spot in my vision. Blank spot in my vision. Somethings missing. Search like I'm fishing in a lake with nothing in it. My brain kept splitting like it's some sort of division 'tween the center of my atoms: nuclear fission. So efficient at forgetting 'bout the mission, I dismiss it 'cause I get another vision of my endless premonitions. Superstitious, I'm at a loss of words, see something so beautiful it's absurd, turns out it's gasoline in a puddle at the curb. My mind playing tricks like magicians on me word. Blank spot in my vision. Somethings missing. Search like I'm fishing in a lake with nothing in it. My brain kept splitting like it's some sort of division 'tween the center of my atoms: nuclear fission. What is it: This thing that I was looking for? Can't remember anymore. It's just a feeling that I'm chasing, hope it isn't misdirected, hope this effort isn't wasted. Blank spot in my vision. Blank spot in my vision. Somethings missing. Blank spot in my vision. Somethings missing. Search like I'm fishing in a lake with nothing in it. My brain kept splitting like it's some sort of division 'tween the center of my atoms: nuclear fission. So efficient at forgetting 'bout the mission, I dismiss it 'cause I get another vision of my endless premonitions.

Life keeps coming at me like... Life keeps coming at me like this: ah shit I gotta do all this shit. I gotta do this thing. I gotta do that. I gotta do this thing before that thing before this thing. wait so I gotta do this thing before that thing before this thing. No fuck that I came to knock shit out the frame bang That shit up in flames like leaves no remains what you thought it was tame? Check your brain Get on the mic and I just might detonate I am not there, I disappear into thin air. I smudge and smear the pain 'till I ain't in the frame. I erase any trace of the place that I'm based. Whoa, see my face... I am not there, I disappear into thin air. I smudge and smear the pain 'till I ain't in the frame. I erase any trace of the place that I'm based. See my face in the street, they won't chase after me cause I keep it low key. (2x) See my face in the street they won't chase after me. Yeah I keep it low key. Undercover taking care of business. Took a year to lay low in plain clothes, no shave. I'm messy no mistake. Know I had to regain though. Got my strength back now I'm killing it like I'm bout 'ta make some millions uhhh. I hope so, I'm hopeful 'cause this music really ain't my hustle, it's just some side shit that I love to do. yeah. Life's coming at me like this: